Tuesday, October 04, 2011

But then, guys in bars used to say I looked like Tori Amos, and she's not my grandma

My mother is adopted. She always has been, I've always known it, it was a closed adoption so she has no idea who may or may not have contributed to her genetically, and for over 60 years she's been okay with that.  But now she has people telling her how she should know something of her family medical history or whatever, and Grandma wrote down the name of her biological parents and sealed it in an envelope before she died, so Mom let me read the thing.  And.... it was kinda anticlimactic.
For one thing, I guess I always expected it to be an immediately recognizable local name, and then I could just go to the phone book and find them and ask "So, you got any brain tumors over there, 'cause we're lousy with 'em over here."  But nope, it was a name I'd never ever heard of before, aside from one cartoon villain but that hardly counts because that person looked nothing like my mom.  So I did the googling and wiki-ing, and all that shit and OH. MY. CHRIST.

The dude was everything I never expected and yet everything I should really have expected.  For one thing, he was kinda batty.  Not in a Manson way, but in a "they called him eccentric because he had money" kind of way.  Also, he left the area before my mom was even born, and made just enough money to ensure that no descendants of his will ever be willing to talk to anyone claiming to be a possible descendant of his.  And he died, too, so that kinda sucks.  But he was insane, and he was on billboards in his underwear (Well why the fuck not?!), and he coined a term every American uses several times a day, and I think he banged Phyllis Diller.  And from this comes my genetic code.  Maybe.  Here's you check and see what you think.
My brother

 My possible grandfather
Maybe I'm crazy.  I really wish I had old pictures of my mom on my computer.


Anonymous said...

Wow! I'm at a loss for more words. Go figure.

chronicbliss said...

Funny story. Turns out that when I read the name, it was misspelled. SO it is not that guy, just a completely different guy with the same nickname, same profession, and one less letter in his name.