Wise beyond a whopping SIX years

Tommy: (from his room in the morning) I can';t find my underwear!

Me: They're in the laundry room. I'll get them for you.

Two minutes later I run up the stairs with an outfit for him and he is standing in the dining room, hips thrust, shaking what God gave him and making jingle sounds.

ME: Here, put on your underwear and stop doing the dingaling dance. You know someday you'll find a wife and I'll meet her and tell her how you used to stand naked at the dinner table and do the dingaling dance!

Tommy: (laughing) And you know what my wife will say? She will laugh at you and tell you that I still do that. And that I fart in the bed, too!


I don't doubt for a minute that this is true. I just wonder how he can know it already. 

Wise beyond all 4 of his years

Danny: You're Daddy's wife, huh?

Me: Yes, I am. And I'm very proud of it. Why?

Danny: I know all about wifes. A girl has to marry a daddy to become a wife and then he's a husband. And wifes have to be very nice to the daddies. And husbands have to be nice to the wife and have to be good daddies to the kids. And then when the kids grow up the wifes have to take care of the husbands because then they will be very old. And then wifes become grandmas and make cookies. And that is everything about wifes.


These are the words of a child in a blended family, with zero living grandparents, and very few married couples to learn from.  (Which worries me, because Tom an I say inappropriate stuff all the time and these kids just sponge it up like it's normal.)