Is Red Not Enough?

I am such a girl. For years I was in denial about it. I sat like a guy and walked like a guy, answered to Chuck. In fact, when Tom and I were first dating I used to hate it when he'd call me girly, which is the main reason he did it. But lately, since I've calmed and mellowed with age, I realize that it's true.
I want a blender. I don't know what's wrong with ours. It seems like the blade doesn't turn, even though it does. When you try to make a milkshake you get two inches of milk shake underneath ice cream; it never gets that tornado thing going on that sucks the top stuff down. So I want a new one. Not too girly in and of itself. But when asked what kind I'd like, this is my answer:

Red.

I have no clue how many speeds I want or what features I need. I'd like it to be able to crush ice if need be, and to be easy to clean. But other than that "red" is really all I have to go on. So I started looking up blenders and you know what I've found? I don't understand them at all. Fourteen speeds one of them has. Plus pulse. I like pulse, but what would I need with fourteen speeds? How different can chop and grate be? And why would I need a blender that grates anyway? Do people really put cheese in a blender? I already own a food processor and a mini food chopper, plus a box cheese grater (for latkes. yum) so I don't think I'm going to be grating with my blender any time soon.

So I think, if anyone asks me what kind of blender I want, that my answer will now be this: Red, but with pulse.

Also I made chocolate chip scones today. Yummy! I need to find a recipe for raspberry jelly scones. Those would be even deliciouser.