Monday, October 05, 2020

The Irony of Middle Age

1. Losing weight easily is now more worrisome than thrilling.
2. My "happy pills" bottle in my purse is now just for digestive problems. Pepto, Imodium, Gas-X, you get the picture.
3. The natural highlights I wanted when I was young have finally come in, in white.
4. I finally learned how to walk in heels and now my ankles are weak.
5. It took me a decade to lose the baby weight enough to go out without Spanx, but now I need shapewear for my upper arms.
6. The saying about women hitting their sexual peak in their 40s has come true, but I seem to have hit my 'getting tired at 8pm' peak at the same time.
7. I can finally afford to buy drugs but the only ones I seem to want are ibuprofen and digestive pills.
8. I've finally grown into my looks, at an age where I feel ridiculous if I dress sexy.
9. I can now afford cute hoodies and sweaters but all I can wear are cardigans and flannels because hot flashes.
10. I finally figured out how to style my hair / what the best cut is for my hair, and it's changing in texture and I have to use women's Rogaine at the roots.

...to be continued 

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