Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Is it time yet?

It would almost certainly involve that godawful diabetes diet. And injections too, now that I walk among the ranks of the insured. I would be exhausted from hormones and late night pees, but still have to wake up with a baby. It would involve what they call "tandem nursing". I would get even fatter than I already am.

But part of me, a small but LOUD part, wants another baby. Wants to get pregnant this month if not sooner, as a matter of fact. When I was growing up, kids were 18-24 months apart. When you were in sixth grade your sibling was somewhere from forth to eighth. Now people wait until baby number one is three before having baby number two. Well, I did the waiting. My oldest is in sixth grade this fall, for gods' sakes. Now I want to do it the normal way, close together. And also, part of it is the pregnancy, regardless of the baby. (Not that I want anything to go wrong with the baby, just that pregnancy is a whole experience in itself.) I want new maternity clothes (my ass outgrew the old ones), and I want weekly email updates on what's forming today. I want to think about names, and try to guess sex based on heart rate. I want to feel kicks and cravings and to be able to not suck in my stomach when people can see me in profile.

I saw Ryan with a baby when she was little and I remember feeling sad that she would never be a big sister at that age. I want Tommy to get to be a big brother at the age when he's a "big boy" about it rather than seeing it for the spit-up and dirty diapers side of it. And I really don't want to be 40 and pregnant with my next one. I want to be pregnant NOW. I wonder if I can talk Tom into it.

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