Monday, April 14, 2014

I am pretty heavily medicated right now.Anxiety meds, beta blockers that I just learned from Bones might make me impotent, antibiotics for my sore throat, Xanax to calm me down when the really super itchy side effects of the antibiotics drive me mad, and ambien so I can sleep though it all.  So I'm thinking pretty clearly and I think I may have cured the world. Just, bear with me here.

I propose a revolution in how we teach teenagers how to live. For one thing, teach them the real boring crap that they should just know.Teach them the actual chemical names for their medicines so they know what they're taking. Tylenol = acetominophen. Motrin-Advil=ibuprofen.  But it's the tylenol you have to hide from. In fact, there's no reason to even buy it. It's not an anti-inflamatory like ibuprofen is, so it won't help when pain comes with swelling. And even better, if you drink and take acetominophen regularly, it's the highest single cause of spontaneous liver failure in the US. In fact, downing a bottle full of it is the preferred method of suicide in the UK. So I think wew need to teach kids that tylenol isn't harmless.

Also, We should teach them how to do laundry. Not the whole thing about sorting colors and don't forget the fabric softener. I mean, how to get black oil stains out of a pink tee-shirt. My daughter wore my new shirt to her jazz band concert and it came home with valve oil spots. First I'll try dish soap, then bar soap. Then the actual detergent, with color-safe bleach, and prayer.


Kate said...

For oil stains you have to make a mixture of dish soap (some swear it has to be blue Dawn), peroxide, and baking soda. Good luck!

Let's also teach teenagers to pick up their feet when they walk. No one wants to hear them shuffling.

Lua Morris said...

This post made me think of the book I just purchased from Amazon, "My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha." I can't wait to read it. It's supposed to have all these great tips and tricks to get out stains, etc.