I have been thinking a lot about religion lately, and I'm not sure why. A large part of my brain still tells me that it's bunk. God is right up there with unicorns, in odds of existing. There are a hundred reasons mankind would make up a god and no real reason to believe one exists. But still, it's in my head. I come across articles like this, and this, that make me think maybe it's possible to believe in God without being a Christian. The reason I don't want to be called a Christian, even if I end up believing in Jesus in the end, is the same reason I don't want to be called bi, even though I like both guys and girls; too many people have their own definitions for the label. I think Ghandi said it best when he said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
My family is, if you go back far enough on my father's side, Amish. I think that must be mapped into my brain because big shiny churches with flashy gymnasiums and sound systems just strike me as being too Earthly, too materialistic, for God. Spend the money on charity and get yourself one room full of pews with an altar at the front. Let people come in who want to talk about God, and stop trying to lure kids in against their wills with basketball games and rec rooms. I think religion and prayer should be solemn, and I think trying to make it fun is a little undignified. But then, I don't believe people have to be Christian to get into Heaven (assuming Heaven and God exist). In my world, God doesn't discriminate based on geography, and if you boil it down that's what it comes to when you say a person has to pay lip service to Jesus to get in. (After all, what's worshiping but paying lip service?) It's saying that Hindu children raised in India by Hindu parents, taught from birth that Hindu beliefs are the immutable truth, are going to be sent to Hell through no fault of their own while Christian kids raised by Christian parents in the US will get into Heaven. It's luck of the draw and it sucks and it's not how my God, if I had one, would act.
My God also wouldn't make gay people and then send them to Hell. Either he wouldn't fuck with them that way, or he's that callous and then doesn't really give a shit who we want to fuck. And don't give me the Loving Father BS. My mother loves the hell out of me and only has 2 kids, and she doesn't care what movie stars I think are hot, yet God has billions of children and is deeply concerned with who wants Brad vs who wants Angelina. I don't buy it.
That brings me to a book. A friend of mine went out a got me a book, and then hand-delivered it to my house, that really helped her out. This book gave her something she really needed, and I thought "Great, I'll read it and see if it doesn't help me out, too." And I think I got maybe 3 pages into it, which made me sad because I had high hopes, even after I recognized the author's name. But I couldn't get past the intro because the basic premise seemed to throw me off. The book said that God had planned for that moment to happen, for me to be sitting their reading that book (did God know I was going to be on the toilet at the time, or was that just a surprise?), and that God planned for me to heed the words in the book. God designed that moment of my life.
And.... that's when he lost me. Right there, right away. Because even though I can kind of believe in a God who cares how people are, and even though I can sort of nod at the notion of a God who might hear me if I pray, I can't swallow the idea that God cares about every moment of my life, or every opinion I form, or even every choice I make. Because what a colossal waste of time that would be for God! I mean, there are tides of corpses washing ashore in Japan right now, nuclear plants are popping like popcorn, and God cares what I read on the crapper? Sorry, I can't buy it. I'm more of a blurry vision, cynical, sort of theologist. I believe that God (again, if there is one) waits until you're dead and then sort of takes in the whole picture, not the individual moments. You know those pictures they do where it looks like a vaguely pixelated photo of someone but when you look closer it's a thousand little photos of them? I think God looks at the overall collage, not the thousand little photos. Stole gum once? Cured cancer? Never baptised? I don't think it's a hard call for God to make, and I don't think he's sending cancer-guy to Hell. But I do think that some sins are bad enough, over arching and far reaching enough, to be noticed individually. I think some sins become character traits and for that reason color the whole collage. And I think, in a religious sense, that Pride is the worst.
Not Pride as in "I did a really good job on that; I'm proud of it" but rather the Pride that leads people to believe that they can speak for God, that they know His plan and that they share His opinions. No one, even preachers, knows God's plan. And I have the greatest respect for those people who honestly can say, "I don't know why God made this or did this, but I have faith that He has His reasons." And I have no respect for those who say, "God doesn't do those things and He wouldn't approve of it." But then, that's the Amish in me. They believe that hard times are God's way of making us strong, and that His complications and contradictions are to keep us humble and remind us that we can't see His mind.
I don't like mean set your ass on fire God. I like loving just be nice to each other God. And hopefully someday I'll find him. But not today, and not in the book my friend was so nice as to give to me. Too bad no Quakers are Prideful enough to take it upon themselves to write a book about God. Oh, Irony, thou art annoying.
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
the bells, again and always
At first it's almost nice, the tinkling bells playing music every now and then. The wind catches the sound just right and it's kind of pretty. For a while.
Then it gets to the point where it's a little annoying. You're watching TV and the wind only catches every few notes and it doesn't quite make a tune, but you can still hear it. But you assume it sounds better to people who actually listen for it.
Then come a few months where it's getting real old real quick. You can pick out certain songs now and they're the same hymns you hear for sale on CD box sets on TV at 3:00 am. But the church has a new toy and they're bound to play it to death and it's only 20 minutes twice a day. You suppose you can live with that.
Then comes winter, and you can't hear it unless you happen to be out. And when that happens, it does raise your hackles but it's only during this one errand so you bite your tongue. After all, who are you to try to shut down music that for all you know, everyone else loves.
Then the weather starts to turn nice, and you open up the windows, and then you hear the bells. Those godawful bells. And you call the church and find out that they'll never stop. They will play every day, day after day, over and over for eternity. When the Rapture comes, all the good little Christians will be swept away and the rest of you will be left with these infernal never-ending bells. Nuclear war could break out and all that would be heard for eons afterward would be the skittering of cockroaches and those obnoxious eternal bells, twice a day, every day, for ever.
It's like Chinese water torture. Just a little thing, the music twice a day, but when a little thing never stops it gets to be a big thing. Like a mosquito in your ear, or Kim Jong Il.
Then it gets to the point where it's a little annoying. You're watching TV and the wind only catches every few notes and it doesn't quite make a tune, but you can still hear it. But you assume it sounds better to people who actually listen for it.
Then come a few months where it's getting real old real quick. You can pick out certain songs now and they're the same hymns you hear for sale on CD box sets on TV at 3:00 am. But the church has a new toy and they're bound to play it to death and it's only 20 minutes twice a day. You suppose you can live with that.
Then comes winter, and you can't hear it unless you happen to be out. And when that happens, it does raise your hackles but it's only during this one errand so you bite your tongue. After all, who are you to try to shut down music that for all you know, everyone else loves.
Then the weather starts to turn nice, and you open up the windows, and then you hear the bells. Those godawful bells. And you call the church and find out that they'll never stop. They will play every day, day after day, over and over for eternity. When the Rapture comes, all the good little Christians will be swept away and the rest of you will be left with these infernal never-ending bells. Nuclear war could break out and all that would be heard for eons afterward would be the skittering of cockroaches and those obnoxious eternal bells, twice a day, every day, for ever.
It's like Chinese water torture. Just a little thing, the music twice a day, but when a little thing never stops it gets to be a big thing. Like a mosquito in your ear, or Kim Jong Il.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A horrible sense of foreboding
The weather has been unseasonably warm here the last couple days. I have turned off my heat and opened my front door. But overriding the joy at finally having fresh air in the house is a sense of dread. Because in 2 hours and 40 minutes, I will have to close my house up. That church up the road, the one I am often (by a few people, actually) accused of singling out unfairly, will blast the first of it's twice daily play lists. The thing is, the people who accuse me of overreacting to it don't live here. They don't have to hear it every single day, twice a day. And also, the music suits their tastes so they don't see it as being that obnoxious. And while I am loathe to use my own personal taste in an argument on policy (that it should be against some sort of law or rule to blare music all over town), the fact is that that's exactly what the church does. They subject everyone who is outside or dares to open up their windows to their own personal taste in music.
Ugh, I had to feed the baby so now there's only 2 hours and 15 minutes left.
I have a neighbor who races his car on the weekends. When he tinkers with the car in his garage, it is loud. Drag strip loud. It is an unfortunate consequence of working on his car. But it is a side effect, not the goal. The church music is the goal. I have been thinking about this for what, a year now, and I cannot fathom any goal other than to make people listen to the music. This isn't like the pastor is inside his house watching TV and I am outside on his sidewalk and happen to hear what he's watching. This isn't like they're having choir practice or a concert at the church and I live across the street and can hear it. They are playing the music out of some sound system up in the bell tower and projecting the music into the open air. They are playing it (I can only assume) for and to the town at large. Why? How on Earth can anyone, individual or organization, be so presumptuous as to just take for granted that all people would be grateful for this? I like Carrie Underwood. A lot of people like Carrie Underwood. She won American Idol, her concerts sell out, she has Number One hits. But I wouldn't purchase a sound system to play Carrie Underwood songs out to a city full of strangers every day. Would anybody?
If I don't like what's on TV, I can turn off the TV or change the channel. If I don't like the radio station, I can turn off the radio or change the station. And even there, the FCC gets to regulate which frequencies TV or radio can broadcast at and, to an extent, what content they can broadcast. If I want to get away from the church music (and I do) I have to move or soundproof my house.
Why don't I call the church, or the cops, or do anything more proactive that whine on a blog? Because I am also not presumptuous enough to assume that everyone else hates this as much as I do, and just as I don't think they should be pushing their taste on me I also don't want to try to push my taste on them. And I don't want to be the godless heathen who ruined it for the church, assuming I could even get them to stop. Here's what I fear:
Imagine a Sunday morning church service. The pews are full of families and congregants, all dressed in their Sunday best and feeling warm and cozy and full of Jesusness (I'm not really sure how this works). The pastor walks up to the front of the church with a sad little smile on his face and says this. "Before we start with the praising and worshipping and happy feeling today, I have an announcement to make." (Again, can you tell I have no idea how sermons start?) "I'm sure you all remember when we purchased the Obnoxo 12000 last year and how we made it our mission to share spiritual music with the community through it. Well, we've had a complaint, and it seems that someone doesn't like our glorious message and songs of praise." (Church people talk like that, don't they?) "So beginning today, we're going to shut down the Obnoxo 12000." (Okay, here's where the astonished gasp is heard, as well as shocked murmurs of what, and how, and whyever.) "So I'd like to take a moment to thank JesusChristOurLordAndSavior (is it only my family that says it all as one word like that?) for the time we did have and to apologize to all of you whom I know loved the daily callings to God."
And then of course they would all know it was me and I would be hated forever for shutting down their religious freedoms and being the Godless Babylonian whore, or whatever people who don't like unsolicited daily concerts are. So what would you guys do, my literally few readers? Because I'd love to call or email the pastor and just ask him to stop. But I have been stewing on this for a while now and I fully realize that I might just be jumping him from out of nowhere about a problem he didn't even know existed. I'm also not sure that a person who decides to play DJ for the whole town every day actually cares what anyone else thinks. What would you say, if anything? I need help here because I am so not good at social niceties like tact.
I realize I try to lighten things up with humor a lot, but aside from my one year of attending a small church here in town, I have little to no experience with churches or sermons or religious people. I do, however, have some family who (in my opinion) ten d to over-do it. As in, give the tithing and then be unable to buy medicine for the children. And bring random church members uninvited to family events hosted by others. And look at people who disagree or question anything the church does as if they just transformed into Satan, complete with goat feet and forked tongue. I have literally been to college graduation parties featuring my uncle dunking his daughters in the family swimming pool in a celebratory baptism. So when I try to imagine how a pastor would talk to his parishioners, I realize that I may come off as exaggerated or offensive, but I really don't know. I get facebook posts daily that say things like this "About to meet Daddy for lunch. Praise Jesus that we get to share this meal together. God is good and I love my family! The Heavenly Father provides!" So if this is how people talk about a cheeseburger, I can only imagine how they would talk about their sound system. Obnoxo 12,000 is just what I call the sound system personally. I don't know what it looks like but I imagine shiny brass organ pipes, the computer from Wargames, and the giant sound system in the back of a lowrider.
Ugh, I had to feed the baby so now there's only 2 hours and 15 minutes left.
I have a neighbor who races his car on the weekends. When he tinkers with the car in his garage, it is loud. Drag strip loud. It is an unfortunate consequence of working on his car. But it is a side effect, not the goal. The church music is the goal. I have been thinking about this for what, a year now, and I cannot fathom any goal other than to make people listen to the music. This isn't like the pastor is inside his house watching TV and I am outside on his sidewalk and happen to hear what he's watching. This isn't like they're having choir practice or a concert at the church and I live across the street and can hear it. They are playing the music out of some sound system up in the bell tower and projecting the music into the open air. They are playing it (I can only assume) for and to the town at large. Why? How on Earth can anyone, individual or organization, be so presumptuous as to just take for granted that all people would be grateful for this? I like Carrie Underwood. A lot of people like Carrie Underwood. She won American Idol, her concerts sell out, she has Number One hits. But I wouldn't purchase a sound system to play Carrie Underwood songs out to a city full of strangers every day. Would anybody?
If I don't like what's on TV, I can turn off the TV or change the channel. If I don't like the radio station, I can turn off the radio or change the station. And even there, the FCC gets to regulate which frequencies TV or radio can broadcast at and, to an extent, what content they can broadcast. If I want to get away from the church music (and I do) I have to move or soundproof my house.
Why don't I call the church, or the cops, or do anything more proactive that whine on a blog? Because I am also not presumptuous enough to assume that everyone else hates this as much as I do, and just as I don't think they should be pushing their taste on me I also don't want to try to push my taste on them. And I don't want to be the godless heathen who ruined it for the church, assuming I could even get them to stop. Here's what I fear:
Imagine a Sunday morning church service. The pews are full of families and congregants, all dressed in their Sunday best and feeling warm and cozy and full of Jesusness (I'm not really sure how this works). The pastor walks up to the front of the church with a sad little smile on his face and says this. "Before we start with the praising and worshipping and happy feeling today, I have an announcement to make." (Again, can you tell I have no idea how sermons start?) "I'm sure you all remember when we purchased the Obnoxo 12000 last year and how we made it our mission to share spiritual music with the community through it. Well, we've had a complaint, and it seems that someone doesn't like our glorious message and songs of praise." (Church people talk like that, don't they?) "So beginning today, we're going to shut down the Obnoxo 12000." (Okay, here's where the astonished gasp is heard, as well as shocked murmurs of what, and how, and whyever.) "So I'd like to take a moment to thank JesusChristOurLordAndSavior (is it only my family that says it all as one word like that?) for the time we did have and to apologize to all of you whom I know loved the daily callings to God."
And then of course they would all know it was me and I would be hated forever for shutting down their religious freedoms and being the Godless Babylonian whore, or whatever people who don't like unsolicited daily concerts are. So what would you guys do, my literally few readers? Because I'd love to call or email the pastor and just ask him to stop. But I have been stewing on this for a while now and I fully realize that I might just be jumping him from out of nowhere about a problem he didn't even know existed. I'm also not sure that a person who decides to play DJ for the whole town every day actually cares what anyone else thinks. What would you say, if anything? I need help here because I am so not good at social niceties like tact.
I realize I try to lighten things up with humor a lot, but aside from my one year of attending a small church here in town, I have little to no experience with churches or sermons or religious people. I do, however, have some family who (in my opinion) ten d to over-do it. As in, give the tithing and then be unable to buy medicine for the children. And bring random church members uninvited to family events hosted by others. And look at people who disagree or question anything the church does as if they just transformed into Satan, complete with goat feet and forked tongue. I have literally been to college graduation parties featuring my uncle dunking his daughters in the family swimming pool in a celebratory baptism. So when I try to imagine how a pastor would talk to his parishioners, I realize that I may come off as exaggerated or offensive, but I really don't know. I get facebook posts daily that say things like this "About to meet Daddy for lunch. Praise Jesus that we get to share this meal together. God is good and I love my family! The Heavenly Father provides!" So if this is how people talk about a cheeseburger, I can only imagine how they would talk about their sound system. Obnoxo 12,000 is just what I call the sound system personally. I don't know what it looks like but I imagine shiny brass organ pipes, the computer from Wargames, and the giant sound system in the back of a lowrider.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Just for a week
I know people who budget their tithing like I budget food, as an unavoidable indispensable expense. There are people who sometimes struggle with bills, who don't buy their kids a lot of fancy new toys, and who don't drive brand new cars with low insurance deductibles. These are ordinary people who think that giving to the church is the same as giving to charity, who believe that putting money in a collection plate will better the world. And maybe it does, but like with any charity, the middle man takes his cut.
Tithings pay for the parsonage, and they pay the pastor so he can do things like feed his family and not have to take a full time job in addition to his church duties. Tithings are a good thing in that they keep the church up and running, and the extra goes to charities and that's good. But imagine if, just for one week and maybe not all on the same week, everyone who gave at least $10 to their local church instead gave the money to save children from Malaria. How many deaths could be avoided, and really, how many churches would go bankrupt? My guess is that the pastors would still get paid, and the churches would still stay open, and all the bills would still get paid, and a LOT of insecticide-treated mosquito nets would get handed out. And isn't that precisely what Jesus would want people to do? To save actual human lives and put off replacing the hymnals?
Tithings pay for the parsonage, and they pay the pastor so he can do things like feed his family and not have to take a full time job in addition to his church duties. Tithings are a good thing in that they keep the church up and running, and the extra goes to charities and that's good. But imagine if, just for one week and maybe not all on the same week, everyone who gave at least $10 to their local church instead gave the money to save children from Malaria. How many deaths could be avoided, and really, how many churches would go bankrupt? My guess is that the pastors would still get paid, and the churches would still stay open, and all the bills would still get paid, and a LOT of insecticide-treated mosquito nets would get handed out. And isn't that precisely what Jesus would want people to do? To save actual human lives and put off replacing the hymnals?
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