There is no danger of this becoming a fashion blog.

I'm a jeans and tee shirt girl, and not in the fitted tee and skinny jeans way. I buy boot cut jeans and boxy tee shirts and that's what I wear every day. If it's cold I'll either throw a flannel shirt over the tee or trade it all in for a sweatshirt.  It's very difficult to go out because I never have anything to wear. I always try to have one brown button up shirt on hand, and I wear it with jeans, chunky heeled boots, and make up. That's my date look.  If it's a funeral I trade the jeans for a long black and brown skirt. I know squat about fashion. But I've been trying. I bought a pair of brown cords, and a couple new shirts (although I can't wear them unless I suck my belly in and remember not to breathe), and I really think I need some black pants, but I'm stuck in between sizes where some brands fit me in a 12 and others fit me in a 14.  I sewed elastic into the waist of my (only) pair of jeans because of this. Now my pants are adjustable like toddler pants. lol
Maybe once my hair grows out the rest of the way I'll know better what colors suit me. Also, I need to learn how to accessorize. I think I like necklaces, and I even like cocktail rings, but I don't think anything looks good on me. I need a personal assistant to tell me. :(

It's a vagina, not an identity

Finally, barrettes for baby girls with no hair. Because it would just be the mark of a HORRIBLE MOTHER to let your child be androgynous, or just to put girl clothes on her, I guess.  And no, jabbing spikes through her ears isn't an obvious enough sign of gender conformity so don't try pulling that "But I turned them and cleaned them 6 times a day and they got infected 3 times just so people would know she was a girl!" crap with me!
But I have the answer.  In case you want to know.  Do you want to know? It beats out gluing bows to your baby's head (yes, people actually do that), strapping satellite-dish sized polyester dahlias to her head, putting wigs on her, and even buying overpriced no-hair-needed barrettes. So if you want the super secret answer to all of your androgynous baby problems, here it is.

It's like a fashion.

Oh my god! Cancer is a big industry. I mean, you see the ribbons on cars and everything (around here it's all pink and teal, because my town is full of breasts and ovaries) so you know there are shops selling car magnets and silicone bracelets, but I never knew it was so huge. There are multi-colored ribbons, and animal print ribbons because they've run out of colors.  And it must be difficult to A) come to a generally agreed upon consensus as to which color means which cancer, and B) keep it all in good taste.  I mean, breast cancer is pink because boobies = girls, but you can't make colon cancer brown because ewwww. And what if I decide I want mesothelioma to be yellow with pink polka dots but then some group in Colorado wants it to be green and red stripes? What governing board hears our appeals? Who makes the car magnets and silicone bracelets? It would be anarchy!

So I actually clocked something that said "Shop by cancer type" and scrolled through all of the ridiculously colored ribbons (bladder cancer is marigold, blue, and purple, because pale yellow was in poor taste.)  And oh my god there is a brain cancer gift basket!  For only $50 I can buy my mom a whole basket full of crap to constantly remind her of the dangerous chicken egg sitting inside her skull!  Of course, I'm not buying that because we don't know what kind of cancer she even has. It could be from anywhere!  Can you imagine the faux pas of showing up at the chemo office with the wrong car magnet, silicone bracelet, t shirt, necklace, keychain, Swarovski crystal bracelet? It would be mortifying!

Those poor babies

I have been told that I tend to over-think things. And it comes as an honest surprise to me that the rest of humanity just takes everything at face value and doesn't think about things any more than they have to. And that's sort of how I explain this current practice of sexualizing toddlers. Yep, you heard me.

I hate little girl bikinis. The whole point of choosing a bikini over a one piece is to show more skin, and then people put them on their little kids. What purpose is there (unless you're a pedophile or out shopping for a pedophile) for putting a 4 year old (or younger) in a revealing swimsuit?

Make up on little girls is almost as bad. I understand a little concealer if your kid bashed her face on the stairs the day before family pictures, but some people put their daughters in full war paint. Mascara, blush, lip gloss. Not only does it make the child look different from how she usually looks, which seems to be the opposite of why you'd take a photo of your child, but make up is generally accepted as making a woman look more attractive, sexually. Lip gloss makes lips look pouty and plump, mascara makes women look heavy-lidded (bedroom eyes), blush makes them look flushed. Why do mothers want their children to look heavy-lidded, flushed, and pouty-lipped?


And on another, non-sexualized, rant against children's fashions: What is with the giant satellite-dish flower headbands people put on their kids? A polyester daisy or dahlia that looks like it's been plucked from a Memorial Day grave arrangement, hot glued to an elastic and yarn headband. When my daughter was little, female babies were identified with ridiculous velcro barrettes. Now you have to staple gun a ridiculously disproportionate "silk" flower to them. And still people pierce their ears anyway so what's the point?