Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Only Stupid People Are Breeding

I kind of like being pregnant, and I like blogging about it. But I am finding that I have less and less tolerance for other pregnant women. I read, and post on, a pregnancy message board, sort of an online gestational community, and I have to say that there are some idiots out there breeding. My main peeve, though I would never say anything on the boards about it, people stick their kids with some awful names. Not the Colins and Coltons and Avas and Marissas. But Nevaeh? That seems to be a real popular one, across racial and ethnic divides lest anyone think it "sounds black" (which was actually a comment I read). Why is Nevaeh so popular? Because it is Heaven spelled backward, which is just so pretty for a baby girl, apparently. Me, if I wanted to go for an angelic name, would pick Angel, or maybe something biblical. Heck, even Gabriel would be better for a girl, but I'm partial to boy names for girls anyway. And what's with arbitrarily adding the letter Y to names anyway? I thought it was loopy when people started spelling it Bryan, but now there's Dawsyn, Allysyn, Krystyn, Jennifyr. It's like people sit there and say "How can we ensure that our child's name is constantly misspelled, mispronounced, and that she has to introduce herself and explain it at the same time?" "Hi, I'm Jenni with an I," is one thing, but "Hi, I'm Allysyn with two Ls and two Ys," seems excessive to me.

I have nothing against ethnic names. I don't care what cultural name you give your baby to keep him in touch with his roots, religious or racial or otherwise. However, I do think it's almost unforgivably selfish to choose random moronic names. It's an abuse of power. Someone should have kicked Nicolas Cage in the balls for naming his son Cal El. Yeah I know, it's superman. So name the kid Clark Kent if you can't outgrow your comic book. This kid will have to live with the name for at least 18 years and while he can claim to be Cal L. Coppola, the world and all future employers will know the truth, that he is genetically descended from idiots. Same with Rob Morrow naming his daughter Tu (a pun, really?) and Gwyneth Paltrow naming her baby Apple.

I know some people have a problem with me naming a girl Ryan, but I did NOT name her Chewbacca or Himalaya or Tila Tequila. I chose a real human name which when written backwards spells on a name written backwards, not some word that makes no sense spelled backwards. Nevaeh. Shit, why don't I call my kid Legna? It's Angel spelled backwards. As the song says, I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding. A song which, by the way, came out the last time I was pregnant.

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