Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Things I Don't Approve Of

As though it matters, here is a list of things I don't approve of. I recently got a phone call berating me for over an hour about all of the things I don that this person doesn't approve of, most of which seemed to boil down to my merely existing, so I thought I would make a list too. So, without further ado, here it is, in no particular order:

  • Books on tape. If you want to read a book, read it. Why have James Earl Jones read it to you?
  • Conformity. If you can't do something without 150 people doing it first, or if you have to do something because 150 people did it first, then you're a drone. All historical progress has been made by people being the first, the first to stop something or the first to try it. Conformists are just sheep without spines.
  • Forceful arrogance. Sure I think highly of myself, but I don't tell other people to think highly of me too. Considering people to be failures because they live up to their own failures is the worst form of egotism. You're no more important to the world than I am; at the end of the day we're all ants in an ant farm and no one cares if your tunnel is better.
  • Harry Potter movies, in principle. Finally a book series came along that actually got kids to read and some Hollywood schmuck came along and took the reading part out of it. Yes my kid has seen them all, but only AFTER she read the books. Same with Bridge To Terabithia, Harriet The Spy, Narnia, etc.
  • Fwd:Fw:Fw:Fw: You Gotta Hear This!!! Not only is the thing I gotta hear almost definitely false, but the subject line is almost invariable followed by the email addresses of a hundred people who probably don't want me to know their email addresses. As for the subject matter: http://snopes.com/
  • Neck tattoos. I understand if you're a tattoo artist, or in a famous rock band, or Chapter President of the Hell's Angles, but for most people a tattoo can be safely covered without any loss of dignity. As for the mother who wonders why she gets funny looks at the PTA meetings, it could be the two dimensional python licking at your jugular.
  • Political baby clothes. A baby in a pro-life onesie isn't cute, it's a dirty trick. No one is going to believe that a child actually formed an opinion and chose to wear it on a shirt, and most people are going to resent such an obvious sympathy ploy. The "I love my 2 daddies" sleepers are slightly better, in that a baby probably does love them, at least as much as a baby is capable of any feelings other than distress or hunger. I tend to see the 2 Daddies sleepers, and their 2 Mommies counterparts, as being more akin to the "Daddy's Girl" bibs. But still, making a kid into a poster is kind of opportunistic. And please don't try to tell me who your kid wants me to vote for. My kid likes Obama, but even I know that's because she hears positive things about him from me, not because she's researched his stance on the issues important to her.
  • People who know the "right" number of children to have. Either it's "I could never have an only child; who would they play with?" line, or it's the population control angle where you should only replace yourself and the other parent, or my personal favorite, "How can you bring another person into this world anyway when there are so many babies out there without parents?" (Hey, even Angelina got knocked up a couple times.) As for the parent-replacement theory, how would that even work anyway? I know of a lady with 9 kids, does that mean 7 other people should refuse to have kids just to keep the numbers right? Wait a second, they're with 3 different guys so only five people have to stay on birth control. Of course, she's married to a guy now with no biological kids of his own, so that leaves 4 couples who can never reproduce. Then again, she does have some non-related guy claiming some of the kids already, so only 3 people without babies. But two of her kids are with my husband, and I already have a daughter, so OMG my second child is too much! Now where does that leave me with the "no only children" people? And what about that family in Arkansas?
  • Creditors who start the phone harassment the day the bill is due. Is it possible that we mailed it this month instead of paying online, because your company decided to charge a fee for paying online? And if we didn't pay it, if we were that strapped for cash this month, how would 15 phone calls a day help? Is there a program we could sign up for that would pay us for every call we got from you people?
. . . . to be continued.

1 comment:

roberts05 said...

I use snopes.com all the time when I get any kind of questionable email. I then do a reply-all with a link to the article on snopes proving it's wrong. And yet I still get many emails that aren't true.