my head hurts

I have headaches. Horrible headaches that feel like a balloon is inside my head, being inflated with cement, and pushing outward against my skull, in varying spots every day. I get migraines preceeded by flashing lights (so pretty, in an 80s video game graphics kind of way) but these are usually tension headaches and I get them at least once a day. I know why I get them, from clenching my jaw. I even know why I clench my jaw, from biting my tongue, figuratively speaking. I feel like I am constantly keeping my comments to myself, because my comments are usually less that helpful and more than rude. It's just that I am a very opinionated person, and I generally like to think about things before forming my opinions, and it pisses me off when people blurt out the first fool thing that pops into their head and have never put a second of thought into it. "I think everyone with AIDS should have to wear a bracelet to warn everyone else." "How are you gonna enforce that and why would anyone go get tested if there was a chance they'd have to tell the world?" "I don't know, but they should have to wear a bracelet." And then I clench my jaw, and then I get a headache, and then someone else says something stupid, or Tommy throws a plastic sheep into the fish tank, and then I swallow a giant Motrin and try to pretend it's Vicodin.

A woman online is complaining that her daughter isn't on a sleep schedule, that the 2 year old wakes up at a different time every day. This bothers the mom because she personally needs a schedule and cannot function without it. This is the same woman who was complaining a few months ago that her husband wants to make her do unspeakably kinky things like have sex at the foot of the bed. She also can't buy her own maxi pads without blushing and refuses to buy condoms at all. She also calls her daughter Sissy and dresses her up in little ruffled and lace dresses. And then she asks for advice, and I can't give it. Because any comment I would make would start with the words "What, are you nine?!"

The church is still playing DJ to the world, and I know they'll never stop, and when I called to ask them if they're ever going to stop I made reference to the music outside and the lady who answered the phone inside the church didn't know what I was talking about, because they can't hear it inside the church. But I don't call because who am I to assume that the rest of the town shares my preference to not hear the music?

Last July the dog's rabies shot and county registration expired, and we got a postcard from Animal Control about it, which I gave to Tom. He said "okay" and never did anything about it. So in January we got a second Animal Control postcard, which I also gave to Tom, which he also ignored. So last week Animal Control came by and told me that I was facing a $200 fine for not registering the dog in July. A $200 fine for each day I went past due. For 7 months. So I told Tom and he told me to make a vet appointment for the dog and take her to get her shot. So I had to leave the baby in his bed, go drag the dog into my house, give her a bath, load her into my new minivan, have Ryan watch two teething boys while I took the dog to the vet, and then have my mother take off work to watch the boys the next morning so I could go pay off Animal Control (they cut me a deal so the fine was only $60). Had Tom paid attention to the first post card, the dog could have gotten her bath outside in the summer heat, Tom could have done the running while I was home and he was on vacation for Danny's birth, and we would not have been facing a potential fine of several thousand dollars.

There are easily 2 dozen more instances of things that have caused me to clench my teeth just in the last 2 days, but typing out these so far has given me a headache, so I have to go swallow my Motrin and pretend it's Vicodin, and begin the countdown to when Tom comes home tonight. Like every day, I plan to drink a beer and go to bed the instant he walks in the door. I plan that every day, and have since December, at least. I have yet to actually do it.