How I Rot My Brain

It has been suggested that I write a post about what television shows I watch. Personally, I don't know why anyone would care what other people watch, unless they worked for Nielson or were fighting to keep their own programming on the air. But, anything for a fan, so here goes nothing.

On Mondays I watch How I Met Your Mother, because I like how Ted is written; Two and a Half Men, because the kid is funny; and The New Adventures Of Old Christine because sadly, I can relate to Old Christine, and also because Mathew is funny. I hate myself for watching the sitcoms, but on Mondays I let myself. I also watch What About Brian, mainly because I was too young to appreciate Thirtysomething the first time it came around.

Tuesdays are devoted to Law And Order CI, but only if it's a Bobby Goren episode; I don't like the other guy so much. Then comes House MD, if it's actually on and hasn't been preempted by American Idol or The World Series or something equally useless, and I watch that for the same reason everyone else does; House is cool and I keep waiting for the British accent to sneak through. Hmmm, Eureka when the new episodes come, because I love the town it portrays and the sheriff's reactions to it. And finally, one of the high points of my television week: Boston Legal. You know a show is great when the theme music gets you smiling. Denny Crane is the Stephen Colbert of prime time, and although I couldn't look at him in the beginning, Alan Shore is a great character. Dry humor, irony, sarcasm, he has it all. And when I saw Jeffrey Coho the first time, I knew he was a character of Crane/Shore caliber, but one who looks like Bruce Campbell too. Yum!

Wednesday is dedicated to Medium and CSI NY. Medium because of the mystery and the realistic portrayal of a) the body type of a standard mother of three, and b) the married life of a happy couple with three children. And CSI NY because I like forensics (Scarpetta novels and The Bone Collector, the book NOT the movie) and I watch all the CSIs except Miami, mainly because I hate that redheaded guy and I don't care much about drug smugglers and crocodiles.

Thursday nights I watch My Name Is Earl, because I like the concept of actually trying to correct bad karma, and because I can relate in a way, since this hick town I live in is full of people like Earl and Joy.

Fridays are devoted to Monk (one of my daughter's favorite shows), Psych, and Numb3rs. I love how Monk figures things out while avoiding the dirty nasty frightening world he perceives. And I happen to think the guy on Numb3rs is hot, which when added to smart makes for compelling television, at least to this often lonely thirty year old woman. I don't suppose Rob Morrow looks too bad either, but he named his daughter Tu, and any grown man who actually names his child Tu Morrow is too stupid to appreciate in any carnal way. Psych is just way too funny. It's been a long time since Moonlighting and we needed a detective agency comedy; the market demanded it.

Somewhere in there is CSI, the original, but I can't remember what night it's on. Thursday, maybe? I happen to think Grissom is sexy as hell (smart, full of obscure facts and literary references, and that salt and pepper hair drives me nuts) and again, the forensics angle. Also, Monday through Thursday nights I watch the news: The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. And I try to squeeze in any Monk and Law And Order CI reruns I can find that I haven't seen before, as well as various documentaries and biographies which spark my interest.

Weekend nights are when I catch up on whatever's left in the DVR from the week before. I know it seems like I watch a lot of television, and I do watch more than I should. But aside from catching Project Runway and Queer Eye every once in a while, I don't watch reality shows. I tend to see most reality shows as catering to the lowest common denominator. Humiliate yourself for fifteen minutes of fame and a one in a million shot of winning some cash. I'd rather pick briefcases with Howie Mandel or identify strangers with Penn Gillette to win my cash.

Tom has shows I record for him: 24, The Unit, Smallville, Heroes, Prison Break, etc. Basically anything with a) a good chance of blowing things up, or b) a cheerleader in the tag-line. And of course, any televised event featuring more than five men in matching outfits trying desperately to blow each other's kneecaps out. He likes all sports, except wrestling because, "That shit's kinda gay". Typical male.

So there you have it, graffiti knight. That's what I watch. My kid throws some Food Network and Animal Planet programming in there, and Tom's always willing to pause his channel surfing for anything in a bikini, but basically I run the TV and so this is what we watch, and why. But please, don't try to engage me in conversations about television shows. I probably haven't even watched the thing yet and I don't want it spoiled for me.