Props To Dan Savage

So I was reading my favorite advice columnist, and I came across a letter from last week (I can't believe I missed last week's column but that's off-point) which was a thinly veiled attempt for some 18 year old kid to brag about all the awesome kinky sex he has. So Dan pretty much outed him for that and then went on to point out the irony of the awesome-sex-having teen demographic after so many years of Republican-sanctioned abstinence only programs. The following is a DIRECT EXCERPT from the column dated August 2, 2007. I am right now giving mad props to Dan Savage and am in no way attempting to circumvent copyright laws.

"Politically speaking, RSCI, this may not be the best time for teenagers to gloat about the totally awesome, amazingly kinky, and sinfully premarital sex they're having. A study released last week showed that the rate of teen sexual activity, which had long been in decline, stopped falling in 2001—despite the hundreds of millions of dollars the Bush administration has poured into abstinence education.

"The percentage of teenagers having intercourse began to plateau in 2001 and has failed to budge since," wrote the Washington Post. "Experts are unsure of the reasons for the change, but [point to] the possibility that some irreducible portion of the teenage population can never be dissuaded from having sex."

Hello, George W. Bush? You've spent hundreds of millions of dollars trying to dissuade teenagers from having sex and what are teenagers like RSCI doing? Bragging about all the awesome sex they're having. Are you going to stand for that? Or are you finally going to get serious about winning the war on teenage sex?

If you believe that premarital sex is always wrong, Mr. President, then act like it. (Let the liberals laugh about Senator David Vitter, the conservative GOP senator from Louisiana caught up in the "D.C. Madam" scandal. At least Vitter had the decency to wait until after marriage before hiring hookers to diaper him.) The current status quo is unacceptable! We can't continue to spend hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers into remaining abstinent while their gonads and hormones implore them to do the opposite.

The time has come to take the fight to the hormones, Mr. President. The time has come to chemically castrate American teenagers.

Instead of wasting money on failed abstinence-education programs, Mr. President, put Depo-Provera and Tamoxifen, the two most effective chemical-castration drugs, into products consumed by teenagers—Doritos, Mountain Dew, lip gloss, and Axe body spray. (Some adults also consume these products, of course, but not any we want reproducing.) A chemical-castration program would not only be cheaper and more effective than your failed abstinence-education programs, Mr. President, it would also lower rates of sexually transmitted infections, decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies, save souls, prevent hurricanes, and spare elected officials who can't have kinky sex themselves anymore (thanks to fallout from the D.C. Madam scandal) from having to listen to teenagers like RSCI brag about all the kinky sex they're having."


Amen, Dan Savage. Amen.

But . . . since when do I say "mad props"?