Monday, February 11, 2008

If Only I were LITERALLY A Bitch

It's finally hit me. Two months after I peed on the stick and it told me the news, and then its sister confirmed it, I finally realize that I am having a baby. Maybe it was hearing the heartbeat for the first time or maybe it just took this long to sink in, but either way I have fully embraced my pregnant status. And so naturally, I am ready to get on with it. Where's my toeless view downward? Where's my kicking and my leaky boobs? Where's my false labor and then, at no doubt the worst possible time, my real labor? I'm ready to hurry this show up already!

It only takes 60 days for dogs to gestate. Why does it only take 2 months to make a puppy, or even to make six puppies, and it takes NINE months to make a human baby? Thumbs cannot possibly take seven months to produce! Dogs have better senses of hearing and smell than people and those miraculous systems only take 2 months from start to finish. And yet our inferior senses and our (ideally) far fewer nipples take SOOOOOO much longer to make. It's an inefficient system is what it is. Something should be done about it. I wonder who I file the complaint with.

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