20 things I've learned about myself from my Spam folder

1. I have erectile dysfunction (and apparently have been sitting here with it just waiting for unsolicited email to fix it for me. I am so freaking lazy!)
2. I have some sort of Hot! Asian! Teens! fetish.
3. I am hopelessly confused by my medicare benefits and would appreciate someone explaining them to me.
4. I have several relatives I've never met, and they've all died after being hit by cars in Dubai. But they died lonely, I am their only legal heir, and they were rich. My poor rich lonely relatives, smooshed into the pavement of Dubai.  
5. I care what David Plouffe has to say. (I really don't.)
6. I owe a shit ton of money in student loans.
7. I suffer from hot flashes that can only be cured by natural homeopathic soy pills.
8. I need coupons! Lots of coupons! And I have to download a printer app to get them.
9. I am expecting a package from UPS.
10. I am expecting a package from DHL.
11. My nonexistant paypal account has been hacked.
12. The amazon.com order I didn't place has been cancelled, but if I sign in I can fix this error.
13. I won a free 52" LCD TV!
14. The federal government wants to help me with my tax debt. (What tax debt? I'm gainfully unemployed!)
15. I like webcam hotties.
16. I am a webcam hottie?!
17. Errr, Canadian Ambien? (explains the webcam thing, though, doesn't it?)
18. I sent myself an email about discount c1alis.
19. I spell cialis with a 1.
20. I am a man.