Thursday, June 23, 2011

20 things I've learned about myself from my Spam folder

  1. I have erectile dysfunction (and apparently have been sitting here with it just waiting for unsolicited email to fix it for me. I am so freaking lazy!)
  2. I have some sort of Hot! Asian! Teens! fetish.
  3. I am hopelessly confused by my medicare benefits and would appreciate someone explaining them to me.
  4. I have several relatives I've never met, and they've all died after being hit by cars in Dubai. But they died lonely, I am their only legal heir, and they were rich. My poor rich lonely relatives, smooshed into the pavement of Dubai.  
  5. I care what David Plouffe has to say. (I really don't.)
  6. I owe a shit ton of money in student loans.
  7. I suffer from hot flashes that can only be cured by natural homeopathic soy pills.
  8. I need coupons! Lots of coupons! And I have to download a printer app to get them.
  9. I am expecting a package from UPS.
  10. I am expecting a package from DHL.
  11. My nonexistant paypal account has been hacked.
  12. The order I didn't place has been cancelled, but if I sign in I can fix this error.
  13. I won a free 52" LCD TV!
  14. The federal government wants to help me with my tax debt. (What tax debt? I'm gainfully unemployed!)
  15. I like webcam hotties.
  16. I am a webcam hottie?!
  17. Errr, Canadian Ambien? (explains the webcam thing, though, doesn't it?)
  18. I sent myself an email about discount c1alis.
  19. I spell cialis with a 1.
  20. I am a man.

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