Tuesday, November 29, 2011
If I heard the voices with my ears, there'd be meds for it at least
Sometimes I'm just not ready to get in bed, because I know I'll just lie there talking to myself (hopefully, for Tom, silently) all night. I can't help it; I get these arguments or conversations in my head, either ones I've had in real life before or just hypothetical ones, or even ones I expect to have in the future. And because it's all in my head it just never stops, and the other person never backs down, and they ask me for answers I don't and can't have. It's like when toddlers go through their "Why?" phases, but endless and with no "Because that's just how it is!" to throw back at them. It sounds funny but it's not and it goes on for hours and even when I'm frustrated with it and on the verge of crying, this nonexistent debater in my head just never lets up and keeps badgering me and I can't fall asleep. If I was ever interrogated by the police I would either break immediately just to make it stop or hold out forever because of all this practice. It's 11:18 pm right now, I've had 3 beers and a xanax, and I just want to go to sleep but I can't. I'm googling quilt blogs hoping to maybe relax by looking at quilts but it's not working. I need to find my off switch.