Connie-Monster! Grrrr!

I hope I never forget that Tommy calls Baragon from the Godzilla movie "Giant Monsters All Out Attack" Connie-Monster, even though as far as I can tell, no one in the movie calls it or anyone else Connie. He just looked at this red, bat-eared, mutant stegosaurus and thought, "He looks like a Connie."

Spoiler alert for new Pirates Of The Carribean movie

Me: (grabbing the Little Mermaid box) You boys want to watch a mermaid movie? Your sister used to love this movie so much. It was her favorite.

Danny: Yaaaaaa

Tommy: NO! I scared of mermaids!

Me: (looking at the happy cartoon fish on the box) How can you be scared of mermaids?

Tommy: Monster mermaids.  Deeny scared of monster mermaids.

Me: No, mermaids aren't monsters. They're happy singing girls.

Tommy: (and this took a while for me to translate and decipher) Monster mermaids with boobies pull the pirates in the water and cry in the bottle and she needs a shirt and I scared of monster mermaids!

Me: Well this one is different and your father doesn't get to rent movies for you boys anymore.

A conversation with Tommy

Tommy:  Ah-bus wace.

Me:  What?

Tommy:  I watch mooey. Ah-bus wace.

Me:  What movie?  Apples race?

Tommy:  No. Ah-bus wace.

Me:  I don't know what that means. Apples race? Applesauce lace? Can you say it a different way?

Tommy: A boat with pirates, and ah-bus wace.

And finally, I figured it out.
Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present Octopus Face:

An exercise in futility

It is once again time for me to make up Ryan's summer reading list.  This is a list of books that I feel kids should read, which I am ensuring she will never read simply by recommending them. Because I am an idiot and I never learn.

1. For the third year in a row, The Picture Of Dorian Gray
2. For the third year in a row, 1984
3. Jennifer Government (I think she actually wanted to read this book until I recommended it)
4. Pardon Me, You're Stepping On My Eyeball
5. Slaughterhouse 5

And this year I've decided to add movies to the list too, since maybe she'll sit down and watch a film for 2 hours to get me off her back since she obviously won't read a book to accomplish it.

1. Milk
2. The Breakfast Club
3. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
4. Better Off Dead
5. The Secret Of My Success